Brighton Pier

If you ever make good your promise to take your girlfriend for a stroll around the rather cool city of Brighton, seeing as she’s never been, you may find yourself before long standing outside the Brighton Pavilion. While marvelling at the architecture and its incongruous juxtaposition with the buildings that surround it, you may then start impressing her with your historical knowledge of the Regency period. Later, after a long walk on the pebbly beach, it’s very likely that you may venture as far as the end of the pier. May I then humbly suggest that you refrain from embarking on any of the various fairground rides available there, especially the deceptively named ‘Booster’ ride?

Any notions you may at this point form in your head about coming across as cool and tough in front of your ‘chicken’ girlfriend by taking your seat with a benevolent air of carelessness will quickly be dispelled the moment the apparatus is cranked into action.

You may find your girlfriend unimpressed by the sudden change in your voice from its regular gruffness to that of a 9-year-old choir boy. In between her guffaws of laughter from the safety of the ground (audible even from the Booster’s apogee), she may become mildly alarmed by your desperate pleas for ‘someone to stop the fucking thing’, and will more than likely be a little disgusted by the copious amounts of dribble which accompany such pleas, uttered in your newly found falsetto voice.

And yes, you may even discover that after her initial amusement has turned to alarm and eventually disgust, projectile vomiting while being flung around the relentless circular motion yet again may well lead her to question her entire commitment to this particular relationship.

Mocketh not, you have been warned.


10 Responses

  1. Ah, so glad you made it to the lovely city of Brighton. But had you told me in advance that you were planning these macho stunts I could have warned you, and helped you save face.

    Although I know, from watching an ex display his strength (and stupidity), that silly behaviour can also make you realise how adorable they (you men) are, and how much you (men) need us. So my guess is despite the projectile vomit (that I understand is still drying on the pier as I write this) you’re doing alright with your lady friend (who far from being a chicken sounds like she is merely sensible).

  2. Oh no! True story? EeeeK!

    PS But how nice that you are stylish. Not that I had any doubt…:-)

  3. ah that’s another story altogether. it doesn’t necessarily follow that spending a lot of money on clothes will make a person stylish…

  4. Hey, thanks for the nomination, I’m so flattered, it really means a lot 🙂

  5. Maybe you are being a little hard on yourself…no?

    PS Yes on the olive oil:-)

  6. The last time I was there – in the summer – I screamed like a banshee on the ghost train, almost crushed my beloved’s hand in fear and dropped all my tokens through the gaps between the decking afterwards because I was so shaken by the ride. I am a wimp, while you are clearly made of stronger stuff!

  7. waspgoddess: you deserve it.

    maryam: I could never be too hard on myself, I’m far too self-indulgent most of the time.

    ariel: welcome. I decided against the ghost train on account of the green witch outside flying in a perpetual circular motion with her broomstick rammed, it would appear, in her bottom – best not to take any chances…

  8. Re Maryam’s new dome — loved your link to the bubble house. It totally reminded me of one of my favourite TV programs as a kid about Barbapapa and his family. In one episode the get a new house, check it out:

    Did you get these guys in Brazil?

  9. Ah. Distance and age difference. What a shame. You sound like the kind of man I date.
    But then…

  10. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
    I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for
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    Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

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