Wimbledon, rain and other interruptions

I am watching a Wimbledon tennis match on television, grateful that for once the rain has stayed away, when she walks in, her usual energetic self, an English jumping bean caught in a hurricane, and, as usual, still buzzing from quotidian office events. She is one of the few people I’ve ever come across who appears physically reinvigorated through work. 

“Good day?” I ask. 

She gives me a cheerful “Uhu” before embarking on her habitual meticulous description of it, who said what to whom, jokes told, problems remedied – including, sadly, dull technical detail. I have become an expert at filtering out the unnecessary bits, switching off then on again at appropriate moments, responding accordingly.  

Engrossed with the tennis, I make polite listening noises while keeping my eyes on the television. Roger Federer is in imperious form, the epitome of elegance, dishing out a master class to his wretched opponent. Sometimes he gives the impression of superhuman invulnerability, a messiah with a tennis racquet in his hand. One can’t help but feel that if Jesus himself had opted for a career on the ATP tour instead of saving the ungrateful bastards, he would play exactly like Federer. 

“… but you know I didn’t think anything of it…”, she is saying. 

“Yeah.” 

“Well, I thought I’d run a check, just in case…” 

Federer now makes an impossible cross-court shot look like the most natural thing in the world. He appears to be operating in a different space-time continuum from us mere mortals, finding time to ensure his shots are not only perfectly timed and placed, but that they are executed with casual elegance. 

“… It was actually the first time I used the kit…”, she is saying. 

It’s the change-over break, and the camera hovers, then settles on a shot of Virginia Wade in the crowd prodding a top molar with her little finger then eating whatever she managed to dig out. 

“Ughh”, I groan. 

She stops talking mid-sentence, then says coldly, “You don’t seem interested in what I’m telling you”. 

“I am! Please continue”, I say, without looking away from the TV, then back at her when no further sound is emitted. Clearly sulking now. But it will have to wait, Federer is in the middle of a fantastic rally, this time seemingly incapable of finding a clean winner or forcing an error from his opponent, who looks like a man rescued from a drowning accident, his hair plastered to his face with sweat. Federer’s headband, on the other hand, looks obsolete, an affectation. 

Still silence. I glance back at her. An accusatory stare now. 

“What’s wrong?”, I ask. 

“Nothing, I hope. I just thought you’d be a little more thrilled at the prospect of becoming a father for the first time”, she says in a husky monotone. 

I look back at the TV slack-jawed, now barely able to take in what I’m looking at: the rally has finally come to an end, and the big champion, the man seemingly able to predict where his opponent’s shots are going to land before they are even played, looks stunned too as a clean winner fizzes past his nose.

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30 Responses

  1. ha ha ha ha ha you’re so funny – CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Congratulations?:)

  3. Well, with nine months to prepare, I doubt that whatever will come out of her uterus will fizz past your nose! (At least I hope not…better wear gloves with traction just to be sure.) 😉

    Congrats!?!

  4. Happy fatherness, Daddy Moonke. I think you’ll be very good at this father business.

  5. Whoa. Leaving the country, having babies; can you stop writing about all this really interesting and exciting stuff, and just tell us about the boring crap. Please. You’re making me look bad.

  6. whoo hoo! did you pay more attention at the conception?

  7. Congratulations to you both!

    You’ll soon get dragged round every shop in existence that sells baby cloths, prams, toys, cots etc, etc, etc. Please try to resist the overwhelming urge to jump off multi-story car parks during this period!

    It’ll all be worth it in the end.

    Apparently.

    Love that comment of enidd’s 😉

  8. Has your head stopped spinning yet?!

  9. Whoa, brilliantly told, although I can’t tell if you’re chuffed or shell shocked 🙂

  10. Federer played a blinding game. I don’t think I have ever seen so many aces in one match. I was ready to jump through the screen of the TV and hand Nadal a pare of pants that weren’t going to give him a wedgie…

    I swear, EVERYONE is having babies at the moment. Congratulations!!

  11. “New balls please”?

    Not required in your case!

    Congrats!

  12. Congratulations on a great post and some terrific news. I would have nominated this for Post of the Week but Peach beat me to it, so I’d like to nominate Enidd’s comment for Comment of the Week. And I look forward to witnessing your metamorphosis into a daddy blogger over the coming months.

  13. Wow! Edvard! That’s fabulous news! Nice that you heard it.
    Very happy for you, darlin’.

  14. Wow. Congratulations! Five wins is impressive.

    Oh, and congratulations to you too, Mr Moonke!

  15. Game, Set and Match!
    Sounds like she served you an ACE…

    Felicitações!

  16. Love all! Congratulations, darling xx

  17. So its defo true right? Its the kinda thing I slip in to the conversation just to check the other half is listening. . .

    Congratz if so. I hope Federer wasn’t in your mind during the conception!!!

  18. […] 4. Edvard Moonke: Wimbledon, Rain and Other Distractions […]

  19. […] Edvard Moonke’s post (and good news) in Wimbledon, Rain, and other interruptions. […]

  20. Congratulations on being a) nominated, and b) being awarded the “Post of the Week” for this one, Edvard…

    Oh, and congratulations on the other stuff too, of course..

  21. Yeah, but what happened in the tennis? Ahem. And did Cliff Richard come on and sing halfway through?

    But seriously – wonderful news. All the very best to you both.

  22. may the good news keep on coming for you…

  23. Edvard! You won Post of the Week! Which gives me the opportunity to say one of my very favourite things to say: I Told You So. Hurrah!

  24. but I won’t bore you with the details…

    Oh go on, bore us with the details!

  25. congratulations! (for both, of course!)

    a fabulous post, absolutely charming.

  26. well done on winning post of the week. and insertion of the century!

  27. yay! congratulations on a unanimous postoftheweek win!

  28. Congratulations! Enjoyed reading your post–upon completion, what I most appreciate about it is the subtle humor in the title.

    “…other interruptions” Watch out what you call the little one pre-birth, you never know what might stick : )

  29. Sweet Jesus!!!!

    Happy Birth…. I mean congratulations man and (wo)man!

    YAY!!

    It’s hard but you’ll love it 🙂

    Have twins I dare you!
    A

  30. darling E, WHAT news! wowza, I can ONLY imagine what amazing-ness you will produce. Holy moly!

    Mabrouk, as we say here, dear boy.

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